The Unintentional Heroics of Proffesor Splendid
by Silent Q
Summary: "Stop calling me a hero! I'm not even a Professor. And as far as Splendid goes..." An Unfortunate twist of fate lands everyone's favourite Supervillain in the city saving business. But maybe it's not all bad. At least there's some free food, right?


**DISCLAIMER: This isn't mine. All things belong to their respective owners.**

-/-**  
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"Hey again soon to be minions…

"That wasn't meant to be insulting so if you were insulted then… sorry. It worked in my head but, yeah…

"You may have noticed the device on my right hand. If not I'll just hold it up to the camera here… Yes past viewers may recognize this as my anti-grav glove. I fixed the limiter _and_ installed a reverse switch. You are in fact looking at the Graviton Gauntlet. Soon to be patented. We'll see how well the 'fuzz' can chase me with their shoes and guns weighing the same as an elephant and their cars floating off into the air.

"Yes it's finally time for a real act of infamous deeds. Soon the whole tri-state area will know my name. Then eventually the country and possibly even the world.

"Oh and I hit a snag with my bounce ray. In that it won't stop bouncing. I've locked it in the utility room for now. Any suggestions?"

-/-

"I wanna make this clear before anyone that's seen the news footage gets the wrong idea. I haven't betrayed the cause. It was a misunderstanding. I went to the bank a few blocks away, the one on Central Avenue, you know? And I walked in, debating whether or not to try out my evil laugh. I've been practicing but its not quite there.

"But then this jackass pulls on a ski mask and starts firing into the air. There were kids in that bank! What if he'd hit one? And he was actually expecting them to put money in a bag with a dollar symbol on the side. How amateur is that?

"So I thought I'd show this upstart a thing or two. Learn by example, yeah? I made his gun light and his clothes heavy. He fell like a sack of bricks and the gun was neutralized on the ceiling.

"And I swear to god you had to be there. It was the perfect moment. I could envision it so well. The laugh would be perfect. But before I can even open my mouth some guy in a suit is shaking my hand and saying how he's going make a statue in my honour. It was crazy. They all swarmed me and were thanking me and the police showed up and…

"So now I'm a Hero. Bleh. The word makes me retch. Some stupid tool…

"And the bounce ray hit the washing machine. So I'll be going to the Laundromat down the road for a while."

-/-

"Of course you've probably all seen the news again. I was going to the gas station to try the prototype of my new matter reversal ray. I figured that turning the oil into a dinosaur, or something, should cause suitable enough havoc to convince people the first heroic thing was just a misunderstanding. But the aim was wonky so I ended up hitting some mugger in an alleyway to the side. It turned his jumper into sheep that then chased him into a police station and people thought it was intentional. The press have started to call me Professor Splendid. I'm not even a Professor. I'm a Doctor. And as far as Splendid goes? It's just so corny.

"Is it too much to ask for just one of my inventions to succeed in a field test without a hitch?

"Maybe I shouldn't complain so much. Well I gotta' go do my laundry now. At the Laundromat. Great. I still think Fate owes me something…"

-/-

"You know what? I take it back. Fate owes me nothing now. We're solid. That bounce ray was a stupid idea and I don't know why I made it but I'm glad I did. There's a girl at the Laundromat and she is beautiful. I don't know her name or anything else but I have to find out.

"Aside from a possible Evil Villainess, what else is new? Oh! I got a new roommate. The Henchmen's League refused to be an agent after the bank fiasco but I knew a guy in highschool. He's been looking for a place so… Everybody say hello to Moist!"

"Er, Hi?"

"Yep, that was Moist; infamous for the great Letter-Ball that put the downtown post office out of commission for a whole three days. Plus he makes a pretty mean Stew. It has like, bacon in the dumplings…

"And a quick heads up. Yes I am going to the superhero's appreciation ball tomorrow but I have _not_ gone 'native'. I'm probably gunna' put laxatives in the punch or create some water spraying device to hide in their fancy chairs, y'know; make it seem like they all wet themselves. And hey, free food. Supervillainry doesn't pay like it used to."

-/-

"Ugh. I'm tired but I thought I should just post a quick update. I went to the ball and met this… really annoying guy. At first he was just bragging about some sixty year old he beat up when he found out he was the retired Texas Tommy.

"Then he started offering to take me under his wing! As if I'd need any direction from some macho tool. He didn't take my declining him too well, going on to state that he's going to out-hero me. I put twice the recommended dose of laxatives in his drink after distracting him with a riddle.

"I did meet a pretty nice guy though. He's new to the hero thing so maybe it's not too late to get him to see the light. Villainry is the real way to make a difference. He was wearing a Parka which is a bit lame and said he could control temperature but only to make it cold. Maybe I could figure a way to let him raise temperatures too. I'll think about it…

"And now I'm not so tired. Maybe I'll start work on a de-bouncer ray. My Instant Ramen is still in the microwave and it's starting to smell. Dr. Horrible out."

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What do you think? Any good. Should I continue? I don't think it'll all be in this blog form. This was a kinda prologue. Introduces the setting and characters a little.

Please leave a review.


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